To make this point simple remember this: Words can mislead, but the body never lies.

This applies to everything from a person’s body language to what they choose to do or not do.

What a person does says more about them and speaks more about their feelings and intentions than anything they say.

A person can say they want to help, but if they don’t do anything helpful or attempt to help, then they don’t want to help. If they say they’re sorry, but then they continue doing the same thing, they’re not so sorry after all. Apologies are nothing in word only, the action behind them what repairs harm and trust.

The reverse is true too. If someone says they don’t want to sign up for a tryout at school, but then you see them at the tryouts, then something in them wants to try out more than to avoid trying out. It could their interest overrides their nerves, or it could be they want to please their parent, but you’ll see they do what they actually want, not what they say they want. **A person’s words always count, but their actions may override the words later. Of course someone who is forced to go against their words is not acting freely, and that’s not at all what I mean.

Using this principle is less about how you treat others than how you treat yourself. There’s no way to hold your own around others and simultaneously accept rude behavior, and your actions will spell it out for all to see.

If you accept their rudeness, you’ve communicated you’re okay with them treating you that way. If you reject their rudeness, you communicate they’ll have to change to keep you around.

You must act on your wishes, not just speak them or hope others will make them come true.

Actions make the words real. They are actual. By doing them, you and I send a message that sinks as it happens in real life.

This is why you must follow through on whatever you say.

When you back up what you say with action, you build your self-esteem, or the reputation you have with yourself. You build your reputation with others as well.

You don’t have to say what you’ll do before you do it. You don’t need to explain your intentions or spell out your plans. Just do it!

Sometimes speaking your intentions before taking action will motivate you and others, have more of an impact, or clarify if such actions would be acceptable to everyone concerned.

However, often you don’t need to say a thing. When it comes to a bully, just act. Act in the direction of your purpose and let them figure it out.

Impress upon them what you expect by demanding it with action vs telling them with words:

“Leave me alone” in words is you walking off in action.

“That’s rude!” becomes a snide judgey sneer that empowers you. **All people can send strong signals with their actions regardless of their strengths or weaknesses with communication, non-verbal interpretation, or understanding of emotions.

“What did I ever do to you?” turns into a condescending laugh that shows you don’t really care to know.

Say whatever you can with your behavior.

Why? Because behaviors are what communicate to our lizard brains, the part that reacts with stress, anxiety and fear or the amygdala. You can’t tell it to calm down, you have to act calm until it believes you’re safe.

Same thing when dealing with the bully. You have to act annoyed, judgmental, dismissive, unwilling, and intolerant. If you try to talk these things out with a bully, they’ll never give you the chance. They’ll see it coming a mile off that you want to corner them into a reasonable conversation about their crappy behaviors. **In times you cannot act, use words to express your expectations.

In fact actions speak louder than words a partner to less is more. Why say it when you can just act on it?