The first thing to know about all bullies is they are ALL hungry.

What I mean by hunger in a social sense is desperately wanting to get approval, recognition, status and connection with others.

Bullies are hungry in two main ways:

One, they will do anything to get better at bullying because they think it’s the only way they can get ahead socially.

Two, they are desperate tryhards, which is how you should view them and treat them.

Bullies are hungry for attention, approval, validation, connection, but instead of getting it through acceptance, they get it through the rejection of someone else.

They think they need to knock others down or out of the way to get what they want, which is power. But they disempower themselves in the process because they’re too hungry. All they can ever be in bully mode is a low down jerk.

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN:

Hungry equals desperate and trying too hard for attention. Bullies do anything to get others rejected, and their victims are desperate to be accepted. Both are hungry.

They are just as insecure and definitely more pathetic than any of their targets or victims.

The bully thinks they’d be targeted if they weren’t the first to attack.

Bullies and their targeted victims are coming from the same place: fear of rejection, isolation and abandonment.

The bullied and the bully are two sides of the same coin, and that coin is competition for social position.

They are just as hungry in the dynamic as you. You want to fit in, and so do they. You just do it in opposite ways.

BECOME AN ANTI-BULLY:

So what’s the solution? How do you stop being hungry and use the bully’s hunger to your advantage?

First we must ask how does either one (the bullied one or the bully) get out of the cycle? No surprise, the answer is the same for both…

The answer is don’t be either. Don’t be a bully and don’t be bullied. Be an anti-bully instead.

Let them continue to try hard and over compensate, but you become an anti-bully.

Anti-bullies refuse to depend on others for approval. Anti-bullies validate themselves, which is why they cannot be a victim or a bully. They will not change or cower to be accepted no matter how weak they feel, nor will they tear someone down to get ahead even if they’re powerful enough to do so.

Once you stop trying for the bully’s acceptance, they’ll no longer be able to deprive you of it.

What deprives you feeds them. In the bullying cycle both people are hungry but only the bully gets fed. The bully feeds on your deprivation.

The moment you stop your appetite for approval/validation/acceptance/peace from them or anyone else, is the moment you cut off their supply because they cannot feel fed by your hunger anymore.

All that will be left is their hunger (need to see others rejected).

What happens next is their hunger will double.

For a short time they will try even harder to take from you, diminish you, damage you, degrade you…their hope is to make you feel awful, so you’ll get hungry once again for approval.

The catch is it won’t seem so awful when you see the most important thing:

YOU HAVE MADE THEM HUNGRIER.

Let this sink in. If you make them hungrier, what does that tell you? You’ve stopped the bully food, yes. You’ve stopped the cycle of bullying, yes. You were an anti-bully, yes.

Anti-bullies don’t get bullied, and they don’t bully others.

They accept themselves and they accept others.

Accept yourself first and foremost. Accept that some people suit you in life and others don’t, but nobody is worth handing over your power.