Bullies disregard us, make false accusations, give the silent treatment, set double standards, break rules or make them up as they go along, intimidate and isolate us, optimize their mood swings, verbally abuse us in person and online, gossip, pass rumors, ignore us, invade our privacy, intrude and impose, use physical aggression and inappropriately cross the line, punish, steal our thunder and our property, threaten, withhold information, use emotional control like gaslighting, and other tricks and pranks, all to gang up and be mean. Sometimes they cross over into harassment and violence, which is when we must turn them over to the authorities.

But what does an anti-bully do with all the bully's tactics?

In next week’s episode, we’ll break down particular strategies to use in each of these cases, but it all starts with one general approach.

What you need to notice first is how these moves are all based on the same strategy: The bully seeks to deprive you.

So you must act like you don’t want what they are trying to take away.

And what are they trying to take from you?? ATTENTION.

Attention to your needs (to make you hungry and desperate), validation of your choices (so you go their way instead), kindness and consideration (sad and hurt), attention to rules and social norms (confused and disadvantaged), time and energy, connection, inclusion, cooperation (isolated and lonely).

Act like you don’t want any of it, and soon you’ll find you don’t need it, especially from them.

You’ll realize you have everything you need within you already, and you don’t need others to light you up.

Make it an inside joke with yourself to act self-fulfilled and sustained.

You don’t want anything from anyone.

You might be thinking, but Kelly, how do I pretend to not want anyone’s attention?

And I tell you this: Use your imagination. ACT. Fake it until you make it. Fake it until you realize you’re fine without others’ attention most of the time.

Depend on yourself and shine bright from within. You’ll be like a magnet.

People are drawn in when they see you with something to give with no need to take. They are repelled when you seem needy with nothing to offer them.

You’ll have more attention than you could ever want sooner than you think, when you seem like you’re all set and good to go no matter what. At that point you’ll have your pick, and you can choose who to allow and who to deny.

Next time we’ll look at how to apply this anti-bully strategy to each of the bully’s tactics.

Until then, practice! Act like you don’t want anyone’s attention, and have a good week.