When it comes to putting yourself first, we’ve got two parts to consider.

Coming first and going first.

Coming first (in your own mind) means choosing yourself.

It comes from a place inside us. We commit to meet our own needs as much as possible.

It is to prioritize yourself-your own goals, preferences, feelings, opportunities, options, and interests.

Coming first ensures you know your own path.

It requires self reflection and inner knowing to do that.

You must believe you know what’s best for yourself and that you’re worth it.

The key is to put whatever is best for you ahead of what others might prefer or choose for you.

It doesn’t mean you disregard others’ needs or wishes, just that you count yourself in and factor in what matters most to you right from the start.

If you have to choose between what matters to you and what matters to someone else, you would choose yourself as a default.

And only put others’ wishes ahead occasionally after careful consideration: how much it matters to them and how much they matter to you.

Going first is what follows committing to coming first in your own mind.

It means taking whatever matters to you on the inside and bringing it out to the forefront into reality.

You do this by stepping up with your actions, sense of what’s right, wrong, too little or too much, boundaries of time, space and capacity to work with others. You set limits. You set the pace. You set the direction. You put things in motion.

Going first gives you the best shot at achieving your desires.

It requires self determination and a willingness to risk rejection.

You must believe in yourself and the power of your vulnerability.

The key here is doing these things before others do them. To take the initiative.

Setting the tone, pace and direction instead of waiting for others to do so.

We should cover how all this relates to bullying.

Bullies count on their targets to step aside, to put themselves last and to follow along vs lead.

I’ll tell you what they don’t expect, is for you to know exactly what you want and to fearlessly go after it before they get the chance.

This is the main thing to keep in mind: when you go first before others, you get first dibs, and you make a good impression.

It shows you know your own mind (you’ve thought about what matters to you ahead of time), and you believe you deserve to be successful, because you don’t second guess yourself!

Bullies target people who doubt themselves.

To review: putting yourself first means you come first and you go first. To come first is a commitment to meeting your own needs instead of allowing others to decide for you, and go first is to act before others do.

Start out by noticing what you think, feel, believe and what you want to do about it. Then give yourself permission to do it now without overthinking beforehand or worrying afterwards.