Never accuse a bully of being a bully! Why? Because it gives them more power, and all they have to do is deny it. Whenever we accuse the bully, they’ll always deny it, and they usually do so by saying, “I’m only kidding…" OR "It was just a joke..”

By saying it was just a joke, they get themself off the hook and diminish their target once again by pretending the target has no reason to be upset.

This is what we’re getting into today. How do we deal with the most predictable form denial: I was just kidding OR It was only a joke?

Here’s how to turn their joke around on them when they hit you with "I'm kidding!":

Say, “Oh great, so I can just ignore you.” “Oh you’re not serious. Good to know.”

OR you can turn them into the joke:

Ask, “Okay, so when you (list out what they did), you were trying to be funny? Okay.”

But remember, it’s always better to NOT accuse them in the first place. If you already did and they claimed they’re just kidding then use that last bits of advice.

However, right when you suspect they are being sarcastic or passive aggressive (before you accuse them of anything), use this approach instead:

“When you——, do you really mean——?”

The difference is you’ll put yourself in the position of judge vs victim by calling them out be accusing them.

Always call them out as the judge would versus accuse them as a victim would.