When it comes to explaining yourself, less is always more, especially when it comes to a bully or any of their lackeys.

Here’s why: First of all, explaining is weak. It gives power over to another.

Explaining isn’t all it’s cracked up to be: It’s showing you have integrity at the very last minute instead of when you could have done the right thing. Either you knew what was right and failed to do it, or you didn’t know what was right because your judgment is only good after the fact.

Not only is explaining weak, but feeling the need to explain is weak too. Tell me, why must you explain yourself to anybody? Do you answer to them? No, you don’t! And by doing so, you turn yourself into their inferior.

Everyone has less than stellar moments or mistakes they could explain away, but that doesn’t mean they should. Instead, take responsibility for what you’ve actually done wrong, apologize sincerely and publicly commit to doing right going forward.

You don’t owe others excuses and explanations. You may owe them apologies, commitments, intentions or compromises, but only a few people deserve or have the right to expect explanations from you. Those are your closest friends and family, and occasionally authority figures.

It comes down to respect. The people who give you their all deserve the same from you in return. That’s it. Save your explanations for them, and still be sparing. No need to go on and on.

Lastly, we explain ourselves to control others’ view of us, to gain their approval. In truth how they see us is beyond our control.

If you explain to others how to treat you, they are less likely to step up…

Let your actions speak for themselves, never watering them down with words.

Explaining means you don’t think people get it. It’s insulting.

Even your friends, don’t want to hear you explain unless they specifically ask.

Let the other person’s questions be your guide. If they want to know, let them ask, and only answer your friends and family.

What’s more, you don’t need them to understand your reasoning.

Save your explanations for personal reflection. Write them down to get it all out of your system, and then use the information to reflect on what went well/poorly, what you might change if you could do things over, what you’re okay with regardless of others’ opinions. You can also share your excuses with a friend who is wasn’t involved for good feedback.

It’s for this reason your parents and some teachers sincerely do want to hear your explanations. Not so they can excuse you, but so they can help you make better choices in the future.

The thing with bullying or bullies and why you should never explain yourself to them is because you’ve probably done nothing wrong, and even if you did, it’s nothing compared to what they’ve done.

In fact and explanation is a delicious morsel of bully food. Don’t feed their drama. Don’t let them trick you into lowering your status while raising theirs.

In case you haven’t noticed, a classic bully move is to set you up to think you’ve wronged them, messed up, or offended others in some way. They do this to force you into explaining yourself.

Resist every urge to take the bait. It’s a losing battle because it’s a trap.

Let your treatment of them stand on its own. You’re not embarrassed. You’re not sorry. You’re not wrong. Most importantly you’re not ever giving them the satisfaction of watching you back peddle or walk back your decisions, as if you have anything to be guilty over when it comes to them.

Explaining is effort, and it reflects your consideration and remorse. It shows you care.

They don’t care about you, and you must mirror that. It’s another aspect of speaking their language. Match their investment. Give them only what they give you.