Today’s episode is a reminder to remember that the bully is the wrong one.

Steven Pressfield said, “A bully has no power of their own. Their power derives entirely from our fear of it.”

If a bully’s power is built from our fears, then we can pull the plug on their power over us at any time. They are only powerful if we empower them.

To halt their power to remove the bf we have to see them as wrong not scary.

Of course we know bullies are wrong in a general way, but the closer they get to us, the stronger their power to influence us becomes, which leaves us likely to second guess ourselves.

Bullies push their agenda and opinions on us constantly.

The more they can crowd your mind with thoughts of them and what they think, the more you’ll go along with them.

People go along with them whether they agree or not because bullies are scary.

Bullies break rules and social norms, which adds to their power of intimidation and manipulation.

One reason the bullied get bullied is a tendency to consider others before themselves.

This tendency leads some of us to assume we’re the wrong one whenever another person disagrees.

It’s a fawn response (trying to keep the peace and make others like us and less likely to hurt us).

We all know threat responses ffff have the opposite effect with bullies because our anxiety is BF.

When we give in to others as a default, we enable friends to do things we don’t want because we fear not being liked, and we enable bullies out of that fear too.

Enabling others out of fear is the definition of bully food.

And we set ourselves up to be in a power imbalance.

Initially this tendency to over compromise ourselves can make us seem like ideal friends. We set our own perspective aside to see another’s point of view. They feel seen and valued by us. Who could be a better friend?

It’s when we allow our standards and boundaries to be challenged and maybe even dictated to us that the quality turns bad.

Compromise means BOTH people are respected.

Real friends want to compromise. ALWAYS. They want to share. They want to invest. They want to cooperate and collaborate.

Why? Because friends want a balance of power so the relationship can be mutually beneficial. Give and take. Friends want this because it’s healthy. It’s what makes the friendship strong. IT’S WHAT’S RIGHT.

Unfortunately, compromise is off the table with bullies. They are unwilling...

Only they can be right, and therefore you must be wrong. Your tendency to assume others are right fails you dealing with the bully because they will only take advantage of it and build their power off you like a parasite.

This is why you must train yourself to remember they are the wrong ones. Until they can learn to cooperate and treats others with respect and kindness, they are WRONG.

Their strategy fails to get them what they want (security and connection) because it’s toxic.

And here’s why:

Bullies are jerks simply because they are too insecure to believe they can get along with others.

So they learn to see every interaction as a chance for power. That’s it.

Sadly the power they seek is a misguided attempt to get security and connection, and mistreatment of others is the exact wrong way to go about it.

So at the most basic behavioral level they are wrong, and everything they do from that point forward will be wrong too.

You have to train yourself to do two things: assume they are wrong and be brave enough to call it out.