The Family with Tom Barnard

Tom has been called away to loftier endeavors, so today's show is just Andy and Gelfand talking about their health problems. Just kidding. Josh Arnold swoops in to save the day with a topic that's equally serious but much more pleasant: money. Sometimes you get more, like when you invest wisely. Sometimes you don't, like when you gamble. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you a Barbie girl? You're certainly in a Barbie world, and there's nothing you can do about it. You can thank the Germans for that. That's where Ruth Handler got the idea for Barbie in the first place. Although if you follow the chain back far enough, it's ultimately the fault of cavemen and their cavechildren, as usual. For those of us who don't live in prehistoric times, we have a much more complex array of dolls to play with. Could their dolls made of straw and clay drive a race car? I don't think so. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when you sell your likeness to Hollywood? They put your face on cereal boxes and in video games, right? Pretty benign? Not any more. Now you have to worry about them creating an AI homunculus that looks and sounds like you. And the worst part is, you don't even get paid for it. That's why it's important to get a good agent. Or you could just go settle Mars, where money doesn't exist and the only thing you have to worry about is a dome breach. It's like being a medieval subsistence farmer, but instead of smallpox getting you it's meteorites. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you have that one song that you could discuss for hours? Dissecting its rhythm, melody, and lyrics? Diallo and Blake do. Except for them it's many "one songs". Enough that they made a podcast doing just that, in fact. Personally, we find it easier to let some children loose in the studio, turn on the mics, and see what happens. Just don't expect any deep dives when your hosts have an attention span of 30 seconds. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being a veteran is tough. Your job was either killing or killing-adjacent, and that takes its toll. Often, that toll comes in the form of suicide. If we had a solution, we'd give one, but all we can do for now is raise awareness. And we do that by platforming Josh, who's decided to hike 22 miles a day for 22 days while carrying 22 pounds on his back. As you may have guessed, the number 22 is significant. Visit op22.funraise.org to contribute. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you've got your ear to the street, you know what the current trend is: calling in sick on August 24th. We don't get it either, but that's fads for you. By the time you read this it may be too late, so make your plans for next year. Call in sick, then get a burger from the St. Clair Broiler. Oh wait, you can't do that any more. Instead, why not go on a shopping spree at Sears? No, can't do that either - at least not in Minnesota. At least you can always take a nice relaxing flight with Yevgeny Prigozhin. Oh wait. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you hear the term "Pig lady", what do you think? A lady that looks like a pig? Some kind of minotaur-esque creature? How about a sociopath who feeds people to pigs? If you chose the last one, you either have a very strange imagination or you know about the Susan Monica murders. And if you don't know about them, you're about to, courtesy of Adam. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Now that Dr. Huber has returned to the show, let's celebrate by remembering the first time he was on the show. At least, I think it's the first time. He's been on so much it's hard to sort through them all. Not to mention we get along so well it's like we've always been old friends, right? Right. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If there's one thing all four of us have in common (aside from our genes) it's that we're all married. We like to consider ourselves happily married, even. Still, every relationship has its troubles. Why not erase your baggage before it becomes a problem rather than after? And we're not talking about pawning the kids off on Grandma and Grandpa. Well, I guess we are talking about that a little. And your kids being out of the house is the perfect time to listen to some AI-generated football jokes read by Costaki. Not because they're dirty or anything, but because you don't want your kids growing up thinking this is what "humor" is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the days of yore, a rivalry was formed. C.J., also known as Cheryl Johnson, was a Star Tribune columnist who frequently covered Tom's exploits in a less than favorable light. This led to them clashing on the regular...until today. And by "today" I mean over ten years ago. On his (at the time) new podcast, Tom and C.J. buried the hatchet once and for all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices