The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck

Send us a textTape 14 opens with what I can only describe as an audio endurance test. Our slow-talking, never-named narrator yawns his way into a conversation about Bootstuck’s latest developments—if you can call them that. We’re introduced to the annual Carve-Off, a celebration of, well, carving... though the categories are as off-kilter as everything else in Bootstuck. Caleb will be carving wood, naturally, while Dave has committed to carving spaghetti. Yes. Spaghetti. Apparently, you'll have to be there to see it, which seems like an intentional threat at this point.And then things get even more unhinged. Enter John Maximum, Bootstuck’s only known real estate agent, who visits annually to hand out calendars and gift baskets to residents. His pitch: invest in Bootstuck’s highly valuable roadside acorns and pinecones, which are apparently the backbone of the local economy. Acorns with intact tops seem to hold particular prestige, though no one—not even the narrator—fully understands why.The episode, if you can call it that, spins completely off the rails with an attempt to set up a transatlantic communication system using a bean can and a soup can connected by string. Predictably, it's declared incompatible. Things spiral into what I can only describe as an improvised, off-key acorn anthem before the tape mercifully cuts out.At this point, I’m not sure if I’m being toyed with, trolled, or slowly indoctrinated into the Church of Bootstuck. Regardless, I’m still listening... against all better judgment.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textThis tape opens, inexplicably, with a commercial for explosion protection—a service that suggests either Bootstuck has a blast radius problem, or someone got a little too ambitious with a microwave.Our unnamed slow-talking friend returns shortly after, pondering the mystery of why pizzas are round, boxes are square, and leads to pitch of his latest business venture: a pizza place called Been Around.Hat Guy arrives just in time to derail it with a fist fight and another unsolicited monologue about hat ownership. Somewhere in the chaos, we learn of a regional pastime: watching stacks of discarded VHS tapes featuring partial TV broadcasts, static, and Who's The Boss. This is followed by a German man yelling about Brand X in what may be a hijacked frequency or possibly just the neighbor’s HAM radio again.I’m thirteen tapes deep and still have no concrete information, but I’m absolutely convinced someone’s having a laugh—and unfortunately, it might be me.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textJust when I think I might be closing in on something concrete, Bootstuck takes a sharp turn back into the absurd. Tape 12 introduces us to Terrence, a man who apparently lives in a place called Nearby, which—naturally—is not nearby at all. It’s 70 kilometers away or, as Dave puts it, “seven songs,” depending on his mood and fuel level.The rest of the tape is a dizzying preview of the upcoming Bootstuck Fair, a community gathering where you can get a license plate painted on your face or elbow (your choice), choke down force-fed funnel cake, and visit a “petting zoo” made up of whatever living creatures could be coaxed into a field that morning.Hat Guy returns with more qualifications—this time ranked on Bootstuck’s patented “Interesting Abilities Scale.” Apparently flatulence earns high marks. Of course it does.I now have vague locations, unverifiable names, and not a single Googleable reference. And with hundreds of tapes still ahead, it’s becoming clear that this project won’t end in clarity—but I’m far too deep to stop now.So I’m settling in.Probably should’ve done that ten tapes ago.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textJust when I thought we’d peaked with snuggle-based heating (see Tape 10), Tape 11 drags us even deeper into the metaphysical swamp that is Bootstuck. Our slow-talking friend—last heard counting snowflakes by the bucket in Tape 6—calls Dave (still wrapped in lights, I presume) from what he claims is a burnt-out Dodge. No explanation. No coordinates. Just the soothing, molasses-paced chaos of Bootstuck, as usual.We’re also treated to a brief geography lesson featuring nearby "towns" with names like OverThere, Downaways, and Yonder—which feel less like actual places and more like shrugs wearing road signs. Add to that the revelation of pills designed to improve your verb usage if taken anally, and we’re fully back in the realm of unsettling backwoods surrealism.This tape collection continues to toe the line between hoax, hallucination, and anthropological goldmine. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. Something about Bootstuck refuses to let go.And then comes Tape 12... The Bootstuck Fair. God help us all.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textThis tape gives us a rare seasonal snapshot: winter in Bootstuck. And, true to form, it’s not exactly what you’d call conventional. Dave is apparently wrapped in Christmas lights—possibly by accident, possibly as a coping mechanism—and the others decide to just leave him like that. As a display. A living, blinking reminder that Bootstuck celebrates the holidays... differently.We’re also introduced to Caleb, the town’s unofficial lumberjack. He chops and stacks wood around the township like a festive squirrel—but here’s the twist: they don’t burn it. Not for warmth, anyway.Instead, Bootstuck relies on a woman named Rita. Described as heavyset and—let’s say—generously cozy, she arrives during the cold months to provide communal body heat via prolonged snuggling. This is apparently the primary method of winter survival.At this point, I can’t help but feel like I’m being pranked by a very elaborate, very rural performance art piece.I just want one tape that explains anything.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textTape 9—or at least what’s left of it—is mostly static, warped and broken. But somewhere in the noise, a voice punches through, crackling out what sounds like call letters: "JEAN." Maybe it's just interference, maybe I'm reading too much into it—but it feels intentional. And in Bootstuck, that’s enough to set my mind racing.Once the tape settles, we’re back to familiar chaos. Our host and Hat Guy recount a baffling trip to the local Costco knockoff—Costdown—where he somehow buys a half pair of boots. A new name, Willy, is mentioned in passing, nudging Bootstuck’s known population up by one... though the average IQ might be trending downward, especially with glowing reviews of the town’s Applebee’s. They have an Applebee's? The tape ends on a strange, almost deliberate note. But by now, cryptic endings are just part of the scenery.The deeper we dig, the weirder it gets.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textIn this episode, we uncover a curious new detail: Bootstuck has a radio station. That might explain some things—and raise a few more questions. Our notoriously unreliable informant, Hat Guy, returns with another garbled news update, making it tough to pin down what’s actually happening in this mysterious place. There's a mention of a restaurant called “Eater Way” and a chef named Dave—possibly the Dave from earlier tapes? But before we can dig deeper, the topic veers right back to hats. Just when it seems we might finally get some answers—like the actual location of Bootstuck—Hat Guy starts rattling off what sound like coordinates… only for the tape to cut out, right on cue. Typical.Tune in for static, speculation, and just a dash of disappointment.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textTape 7 brings us a double feature: two interviews spliced together, each raising more questions than answers. First up is Don who’s starting to sound less like a local and more like someone with real pull in town. Then it’s the return of Hat Guy, ever the unreliable narrator of all things Bootstuck. The two of them discuss a place called the Tube Store—oddly specific for a town that barely seems to exist on a map.In the second half, Hat Guy is on the move, possibly driving, which hints that Bootstuck might be reachable by road… though, as always, no clear directions are offered. Things take a turn at the 1:30 mark when the tape glitches—and in the static, there’s a voice. Did someone just say “There was a murder”? Or am I imagining it?Press play and decide for yourself.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textTape 5 takes a surprising turn. What started as a handful of strange voices in a foggy fishing village now hints at something more structured—dare I say organized. This is the longest, most revealing recording yet, and for once, we get a name.Meet Don. He’s the previously unnamed voice from Tape 4, and apparently, he’s got some sway in Bootstuck. Don talks local governance, suggests electing a mayor, and even floats the idea of town council meetings to hear pitches from developers. Suddenly, Bootstuck sounds less like a campfire fever dream and more like an actual, if deeply bizarre, township.Hat Guy, of course, derails everything by claiming to work at three big box stores at once and confusing the development pitch process with... a musical performance. It's unclear whether he's joking or if this is just how he sees the world.Still, progress is progress. Bootstuck is starting to take shape—but its people? They’ll need a bit more scrutiny.www.bootstuck.com

Send us a textTape 4 drifts away from interviews and into what sounds like an unscripted, unfiltered conversation between Hat Guy and a new, unnamed voice. No introductions, no explanations—just two minds meeting in the middle of nowhere.The topic? Microwaves. Specifically, how to use one properly… or, in Hat Guy’s case, how to absolutely not. His methods are, at best, unconventional—and at worst, a health hazard. Our new speaker doesn’t seem fazed, which says a lot about the intellectual ecosystem in Bootstuck.The cast keeps expanding, but the facts remain elusive. No coordinates, no dates, no clue why these tapes exist. Just more voices, more static, and the growing sense that we might be chasing a whole lot of something that leads absolutely nowhere.Still, the tapes keep coming—and so do the questions.www.bootstuck.com